I find that the more dedicated I become to own goals the more self aware I am to how many excuses I’ve had over the years as why I couldn’t get to where I wanted to be. Not just with my fitness or my weight, but with my relationships, my job, my finances. Though I work hard there always seemed to be this piece of me that couldn’t fully commit. And by not fully committing I was able to keep any real progress from happening. The last three years I’ve taken many steps to change my thinking, my attitude, my bad habits. For example three years ago I was using alcohol to completely numb my feelings about pretty much everything. When I stopped and stayed sober drinking quickly became something that wasn’t even an option. I started dealing with my life instead of hiding from it. I allowed myself to be open to feeling my emotions but at the same time not let them control me. I think I’m finally at the point where food, like alcohol, isn’t something I need to comfort myself anymore. I now see food as fuel, don’t get me wrong I enjoy eating and cook good things, but I put things in that are going to yield results. In the past three weeks I’ve lost weight and worked out without having to agonize over the process. I’ve accepted it as part of the deal. If I want my goals to become reality I need to accept the rules and stop trying to manipulate them into what I want rather than what I need. I really cannot thank the supportive people I have around me right now enough. I see the path pretty clearly and I’m so excited about the future.
So about a month ago I got an email asking if I was up to a Summer Slim down challenge group. Adventure…prizes…health tips…community!!! I thought about it for a few minutes and thought “Why not?” I like having accountability and this group fit the bill for me. So far I’m finding that my resolve to do this is MUCH stronger than it’s been in a while and I’m excited to see changes in how I feel and how my clothes fit. I’m not a newbie at this I have struggled with my weight for my whole adult life and even though I’ve had success I’ve also had a lot of failure, and false starts. I’ve worked with trainers, nutrition coaches, gone to seminars and still I’m not where I want to be. I’m not uneducated on what to do. So why am I still not where I want to be? There are a lot of reasons. And none of them are good enough to tell me that I should quit trying. I’m owning this and I’m going to finish this. I’ve decided that having this page be my way of connecting to others that are maybe in the same boat. I am determined to lose this weight and get myself into the best shape of my life.
When making changes for the long-term you occasionally have to stop and look back to see just how far you’ve come. Back when I used to go running early on Saturday mornings with my Dad one thing he always did was stop at the top of hills and make me look back to see what I had just accomplished. While he always encouraged me to keep pressing ahead he said “Sometimes you just need to see how far you’ve come to keep you going.” Then we’d high-five and go back to our run and conversation. I miss him a lot.
This past weekend we had to move the contents of our current garage to another as we prepare to move to a different apartment. I was reflecting post move how just a year ago moving the contents of that space would have beaten me to a crisp and left me wiped out. This time my husband and I shared the load of carrying items and by the end we both felt great. I’m continually amazed how just a little bit of weekly lifting work in the gym and refining my diet has made me a new person. I’m stronger now than I can ever remember and while I used to complain of pain halfway through any project we took on in the past I’m able to hold it together and it’s no big deal now. As I start contemplating the nutrition and training goals of the next few months I’m really proud of the distance I’ve come in the last year. I honestly feel like I’m standing at the top of a mountain right now looking over the valleys below and excited for the next leg of this crazy ride.
One thing about life that I’m enjoying the most right now is the journey. I’m enjoying the people, the activities, and the openness my mind has to learning a few new things. I have had a few ups and downs this winter emotionally, mostly because I allowed myself to get bogged down in the crap in my head, but I feel like I found my way through a particularly dense patch and the path is relatively clear.
I’m currently working very diligently on reining in my nutrition again, it hasn’t been horrible but I need to stop the cheats from being as frequent as they are. I think with all of the snow, ice, and cold these past few months we started to hibernate a little too much and it’s time to get it back on the right track.
I’m starting a 10 day reset today and I already feel good about the road ahead.
Pain is something you tend to learn to live with. Everyone walking around has some part of them that isn’t functioning as well as when they were younger. I’m no different, from tooth pain to body pain I’ve dealt with my fair share.
Last summer I messed up my knee lifting to the point I could hardly limp around, stairs were a nightmare and I was very depressed about it. I had to step back from what I was doing and let my body heal. In about two months I was able to start slowly getting back to doing the things at the gym that make me happy. The difference this time is I have a coach who is helping me adjust and fix things along the way so that I don’t revert back to that place I was just a few short months ago. When I started back at the gym I still had quite a bit of my strength, but I was prepared for a bit of an uphill struggle since I hadn’t been doing anything but walking and a little light lifting here and there. I’m not gonna lie I was sore. The better I felt the more my body was fighting me. My back was tight, my knees would ache, my shoulders would be sore, all these little tantrums from my body not wanting to go where I wanted to take it. I get why people quit working out after a month or two. When you’re starting at ground zero you have to be able to push through some pain for a while. Now I’m not talking about injury pain, if you’re legitimately hurt that’s a whole other deal. But, when you train you’re going to have to fight through some pain.
3 months into my new training. I was standing in the kitchen prepping food and it suddenly hit me, “I’m standing here pain free!” My legs and back felt strong and solid, my feet that I thought would be plagued with perpetual plantar fasciitis held their ground without even a twinge. My shoulders no longer slump forward as I’m trying to stretch out my lower back. I just felt absolutely amazing. The next morning I hopped out of bed and walked around as if I’d been up for hours. I didn’t have to gimp around till my body loosened up.
I don’t exactly remember the moment my body stopped feeling good but I’m pretty sure I’ve lived with pain for a lot longer than not. I’m excited to finally be free of it. I wish I could give every person that starts training a glimpse of pain free them down the road. I’m pretty sure most people have no idea how amazing the relief from it be.
Last weekend my husband and I traveled to Munster Indiana to participate in Deadlift For Hope. It was a charity pull event put on by Matt and Julia Ladewski to raise money for Relentless 2014, a charity powerlifting event they are both participating in. It was also a grand opening for their new gym The Region Athletic club.
First of all what could be more fun than a day of deadlifts? We had a blast. We met so many nice people, and got to cheer on some AMAZING strong pulls. Plus, we both hit PR’s which is always fun. I ended up being the strongest female pull of the day with my second attempt of 290 lbs, I missed my third attempt at 305 lbs but I’m gonna get there it was so close!!
This is only the second time I’ve competed in a powerlifting event and I’m really motivated to continue getting stronger. In fact I’ve signed up for an event in April. I’m looking forward to really getting dialed in and excited to see what I can do.
Thanks again to Matt and Julia for putting on such a fun event. And if you’d like to get involved you can make a donation to their team at http://www.firstgiving.com/fundraiser/JuliaMattLadewski/relentless2014 every dollar helps!
As good as I’m feeling lately the past day or two I’ve been feeling down. It’s weird how we can go along feeling good, and confident and then without warning our mood can take a nosedive.
To combat my bad mood on Sunday I started cutting up fabric for a quilt.
I love the fabric, I’ve held on to it for a while since I bought it just to make sure the project I wanted to make with it was the right one. The whole process of quilt making is so satisfying. I love spending time admiring the artwork on the fabric while I’m cutting it.
I love the satisfaction of the final pressing when all the pieces fit together just right.
I love that I can lose myself in something creative when I just need to get out of my head. As much as a can’t wait for the final quilt to snuggle up with I’m learning that in life the process of things is WAY more satisfying than racing to the finish. After all the finish means you need to start something else, and for now I’m good with having a bit of a journey ahead of me.
We’ve had a lot of snow this year and I love it! When you live in a state that experiences all four seasons it sucks when one of them is just dreary, wet, and dirty. We’ve had many mild winters in the last few years and this year has been constant snow. I love how it encourages sleeping in and cuddling. I love how we can snuggle up for an extra cup of coffee and a movie. I love how taking the dog for a walk is a magical crystalline adventure. I love wearing my snow boots and actually having reason to wear them.
The only downside of this winter at all is the sinus cold I’ve got and have been having a hard time shaking. I’m pretty sure I’m on the up and up at this point. I’ve had a couple of lazy weeks with food prep and my workouts because of it, but I’ve also gotten a lot of sleep which I’m pretty sure my body appreciates based on how much better I’m feeling today.
I’ve owned this little blog for a while but haven’t really done anything with it. I’ve decided that starting now I’m going to use it to chronicle my journey to better health, life, etc.
After reaching a couple of PR’s with my lifting recently it occurred to me that this past year I’ve actually been pretty consistent with my workouts. I have gained strength, eliminated some bad habits, and continue to plug along. Just the other day I had a kind of epiphany that while doing something consistently doesn’t guarantee big quick results as time passes I eventually do reach goals I never thought were possible.
I feel like I can do just about anything and I’m not afraid to try.